It may well be considered a great contradiction between my words and my actions, but I have no hesitation in admitting that, in principle, I advocate not having children, despite the fact that I am the father of a daughter. And yet, today, the only person in the world who is the centre of my deepest love is my daughter. In fact, it is through this relationship that I have had the opportunity to look at love and human relationships in an entirely new way.
But it is also a reality that one of the worst things that troubles people in life is the problems that come after having a child. We remain constantly anxious and fearful for our children, especially when you are a citizen of a country like Pakistan, where you know all too well that if something happens to you, there may be no one left in the world to support your children.
Once you become parents, you suddenly become responsible. Your children have needs, they need clothes, food, shelter, education, medical care and so on. As a result, you have to keep running in the race for money all the time. Any shortage of resources, or any decline in your own health and life, begins to affect them. Family relationships become chains that bind you, and working day and night becomes necessary, not for yourself, but for your children.
It is not that we are not happy. Even though many of life's joys become connected to our children, even those very joys carry shadows of fear.
When Life Itself Becomes a Question
I do not know why, but as someone who is dissatisfied with himself, whenever I see troubles, grief, pain and suffering in life, when I see myself trapped in the whirlpool of need and struggling against illnesses, I often think that if we had never existed, we would never have known any of these sufferings of the world. The thought brings relief for a moment, but in that very moment I find myself standing in the dock, because, just like others, I too have participated in what is considered by this way of thinking to be a kind of crime—the belief that bringing a child into the world is itself a crime.
Why bring another human being, someone like ourselves, into this world only to subject them to suffering?
The world is full of suffering and hardship, and we bring these newly born children into this cruel world, forcing them to live such a strange life. They will have to cry over their desires and needs, suffer through pain and illness, and experience betrayal and hurt in relationships, connections and friendships.
For the sake of these very children, or because of the grief caused by them, or because of the pain inflicted upon us by our children, sometimes we and sometimes they will become a source of suffering and pain for one another for long periods of time.
Why Bring Another Human Being Into This World?
There was a time when I too thought that perhaps people should not have children. Why bring another human being, someone like ourselves, into this world only to subject them to suffering?
But sometimes this decision is not entirely within your control. We bring these beautiful, innocent souls into the world, giving them the water of life, but then we cannot bear to see those same children suffer or cry.
Especially in a country like ours, where the state is nowhere to be found when it comes to supporting human beings, there is often no one left to help or care for children after their parents are gone.
Perhaps children are needed so that they can take us to our graves or perhaps so that we can bury them in theirs.