I have always felt that children between the ages of ten and fifteen or sixteen go through a particularly difficult time. They can become restless, irritable, scattered and angry, while their parents are often at their wits' end.
And when parents see this kind of behaviour and these sudden changes in temperament, naturally, they get angry too.
An Age of Change
You probably already know the reason. It is simply that kind of age, a time when children are going through so many mental and emotional changes.
As parents, you can try everything you can think of, but sometimes the relationship keeps reaching a danger zone, almost as if it is telling you that this is no longer something you can handle entirely on your own.
I conduct sessions with children, and most of what I hear is this same restlessness, confusion and emotional turmoil.
Usually, there isn't even a very big problem.
Sometimes, all a child needs at this stage is a strong hand to hold, someone who can stand beside them like a friend and keep them from falling.
These children may be struggling with loneliness, sadness and mood swings. They can leave everyone around them exhausted, but then what is the solution?
Children Need More Than Lessons
This is also the age when a child begins looking beyond the home for someone to look up to. A role model. A hero. Someone different. Someone they admire.
Children themselves are often overwhelmed by what they are going through. What they want is a friend-like guide, someone who can understand them without constantly giving advice or delivering lectures. At the same time, they may also be going through a phase where they feel increasingly frustrated with their parents.
If there is someone within the family who can become that mentor and role model, that is wonderful.
But if there isn't, then a teacher is perhaps the person best placed to take on this important role.
A teacher who is also a mentor. Someone who does more than teach a subject. Someone who guides.
Unfortunately, very few teachers seem to be playing that role anymore.
Studying itself is no longer difficult. Apps, videos and YouTube lectures are everywhere. Lessons for almost every class and every level are readily available.
But sadly, teachers are not.
A good mentor can calm a child's turbulent emotions at this stage. They can channel enthusiasm and passion in the right direction and help a young person understand how to use their strength and energy well.
Building a human connection, helping a child understand the ups and downs of life, guiding them through what they should and shouldn't do. Isn't that what a teacher once did?
Where Are the Mentors?
Sometimes, when I ask teachers to look into certain issues a child is facing, they look at me in surprise, almost as if to say, "We don't get paid for this."
But you hold the position of a teacher. Your salary does not determine the importance of that position.
Whether you are paid more or less, the responsibility of being a teacher goes beyond a pay cheque.
Parents, too, have become reluctant to give teachers the respect they deserve, while teachers, in their effort to remain strictly "professional", seem to be moving away from this deeper role.
What can one say except that it is deeply unfortunate?
There are many reasons I feel sympathy for today's children, and one of them is that so many are growing up without the presence of a truly good teacher.
Those who have such a teacher in their lives are fortunate. It is a kind of wealth in itself.
I often wonder why good, selfless and sincere teachers are becoming so rare.
And perhaps this is something all of us need to think about.
How can we build a society that gives children teachers who are not only educators, but also mentors and role models?
Editorial Note: This piece was originally written in Urdu and translated into English by the Parent & Teen South Asia team.